


fall (for you)

by junmyeoneyesmile



Category: EXO (Band), Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Red String of Fate AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:08:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25118137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junmyeoneyesmile/pseuds/junmyeoneyesmile
Summary: red string of fate;an invisible thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, and circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but will never break.~five times joohyun and junmyeon meet, and one time they find each other.
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Kim Junmyeon | Suho, Bae Joohyun | Irene/Oh Sehun
Comments: 8
Kudos: 24





	fall (for you)

**Author's Note:**

> why am I always writing angsty surene with side serene? we'll probably never now  
> (their photoshoot was really cute, tho)
> 
> the title is from exo's song, fall. you can also find my moodboard for this fic [here](https://junmyeoneyesmile.tumblr.com/post/622939209957801984/fall-for-you).

The first time they meet, Junmyeon feels the pull on his little finger.

It’s exactly like people used to tell him. The insistent _pulling_ , almost painful, like there was a string inside his skin connected from his heart to his left hand. He’s paralyzed by the sensation, the feeling so sudden and so strong that he isn’t able to do anything for a moment.

The girl feels the same – Junmyeon can tell, even if he’s not sure how. It’s something beyond rational, much more deep inside of him than anything he ever felt. They stare at each other, and Junmyeon is sure that _pull_ on his finger is related to her. She’s the person on the other side of the string.

But this couldn’t be happening now. And definitely couldn’t be happening _to him_.

“And this is Junmyeon hyung.” Sehun is saying, but Junmyeon can’t remember anything he said before. The boy approaches, with the girl by his side. “He used to be my roommate. Hyung, this is the girl I’ve been telling you about, Joohyun noona.”

For a moment, Junmyeon can’t think straight. He heard that name so many times from Sehun – how the boy met her at a fashion show, and how they got along at first. He heard about all the dates they’ve been to, and saw how Sehun’s expression was brighter these days.

All because of this girl.

She looks at him, with those deep, _deep eyes_ , and Junmyeon realizes he has to do something, say something. He’s been quiet for too long – so he extends his hand, not thinking about it.

“Hello.” Junmyeon says, trying to keep his voice as stable as possible.

Joohyun looks at the hand, and hesitates for a second before holding it.

The moment their fingers touch, Junmyeon stops. Nothing that anyone had ever told him prepared him for that feeling. It wasn’t just a body connection – _it was soul connection._ His finger stops hurting, and everything inside of him feels at peace, at the same time that it’s all messed up. His heart is beating so fast he feels lightheaded.

“Hello.” Joohyun says, letting go of his hand first. Junmyeon blinks, because at the same moment his finger starts to hurt again.

“Hyung, are you ok?” Sehun asks, frowning. “You look a little pale.”

He feels sick. Everything inside of him is upside down, and Junmyeon fights the urge to throw up.

“No, I’m just tired.” He shakes his head and smiles lightly at the younger boy. “It was a long day at the company, and I barely slept last night.”

“Didn’t I tell you?” Sehun says, looking at Joohyun. “He’s a workaholic. Hyung, you’re already the CEO of the company.”

“And I have to work to keep it that way.” He forces himself to joke.

Sehun says something else about Junmyeon not having a personal life, and Joohyun looks at the boy, smiling lightly. It’s such a small smile that it’s barely there, but it makes Junmyeon’s heart turns around again, and the _pull_ in his little finger gets stronger, the pain almost unbearable.

He closes his hand in a fist and tries to ignore that feeling for the rest of the night.

~~

Junmyeon never really liked the concept of the _red string of fate_. To him, it was rather unlikely that everyone could find the person they were _fated_ to be with. It just seemed like a myth, but there was too many people claiming they’ve found the end of their string for it to be denied - which didn’t mean he had to live by that, of course. Like many other people, Junmyeon lived his life without worrying about it, and he was fine with that.

Until now.

Like people had told him, the _pull_ didn’t leave when he wasn’t around Joohyun. The sensation on his finger was still there, a light pressure, as if Junmyeon was just wearing a ring that wasn’t his size - but it was definitely there. It was like it wanted to remind him there was someone on the other end of the string.

A cup of coffee was placed on the table, and Junmyeon looked up to see Minseok sitting in front of him.

“So, what are you going to do?”

Junmyeon sighed.

Minseok was the owner of a small cat cafe downtown, and one of Junmyeon’s best friends. They met in college, and even thought Minseok was a year older, because Junmyeon got in early they attended the same classes, and treated each other as same age friends.

Despite that – _even if Junmyeon refused to call him hyung_ – Minseok was the reliable friend he looked for when he had serious problems, like this one. The older had a “wise” aura that Junmyeon couldn’t deny.

“I don’t know. Probably nothing. There’s nothing I can do.” Minseok watched him in silence. “What?”

“You found your match, Junmyeon. Even if you try to ignore it, the _pull_ will stay there for the rest of your life, if you’re not with her. And she’s probably feeling it too. There’s no such thing as one sided strings.”

Junmyeon looked at the black coffee in front of him. He knew that. Even if he didn’t want to, he knew every damn little thing about the _red string of fate_ , and now he was feeling all of them.

“Sehun is very happy, Minseok.” He finally said. “We all heard how bright he sounded when he talked about her, but the way he looked when he was with her... It was so much more.”

Minseok frowned, just a little. They were all friends, and he also cared a lot about Sehun, so that was probably a very difficult situation for him too.

“I know. They came to the cafe a few times.”

Junmyeon nodded and took a sip of his coffee. It was strong, bitter. He didn’t really like it, but it felt like a good punishment to himself.

And that was what he’d been doing, these days. Constantly searching for ways to punish himself, like that situation was happening because of all the mistakes he made in life. Which wasn’t true, Junmyeon knew that, but it didn’t make it any easier.

“You know, Junmyeon,” Minseok said, like he was reading his mind. “a lot of people try to run away from their destiny. But you can’t, it doesn’t matter how hard you try. It’ll find you, eventually. It always does.”

~~

The second time they meet, Junmyeon is sitting in the audience, watching a fashion show. Sehun invited him, and because he’d already denied so many invitations to go out, Junmyeon had to accept it. Besides, this was something they used to do: Junmyeon would go to his fashions shows, and after Sehun finished, they went out for drinks.

What he didn’t know, was that Joohyun was one of the models, too.

When she walked the runway, Joohyun was wearing this long red dress, which seemed like a big life irony to Junmyeon. Her hair was tied up, but there were some loose golden strands falling on her face, and the makeup she was wearing was soft, her lips a light shade of pink.

Every step she took was graceful, and it seemed more like she was floating than walking on stage. Junmyeon was mesmerized by that, focusing only on her. He couldn’t see anything else, there was only Joohyun in that place, and he was completely at her mercy.

When Joohyun stopped at the end of the runway, her eyes met Junmeyon’s, who was sitting at the first row – and the _pulling_ on his finger got stronger.

It couldn’t have lasted for more than three seconds, but everything seemed much more intense to him at that moment. Joohyun’s expression was stoic, model-like, and Junmyeon actually envied how she seemed so unmoved by that feeling – until she turned to leave, and he saw the way she closed her left hand in a fist before walking away.

~~

The third time they meet, they’re at a restaurant, celebrating Sehun’s birthday with all their friends.

“Come on, hyung, we can drink one more!”

Junmyeon shook his head, smiling at the way Sehun was clinging onto him, shoving another glass of soju in front of his face. He took it, drinking at once.

“Here, are you happy?”

Sehun smiled, putting an arm over his shoulder.

“Ah, hyung.” He said, his word slurred. “You know you’re my favorite hyung, right?”

“Hey!” Baekhyun said, at the other end of the table. “What about me?”

“You’re the worst hyung in here!” Jongdae said, laughing at him.

“What are talking about?” Baekhyun pouted, looking at his side. “Jonginie, I’m a good hyung, right?”

The boy, who had been looking at his phone until that moment, raised his head.

“Hm?”

Baekhyun sighed, turning to the other side and leaning his head against Chanyeol’s shoulder.

“Yeol, nobody likes me.”

The other boy smiled.

“That’s because you’re as whiny as Jongdae.”

“Hey, why do I always have to be involved in this?!” Jongdae complained, starting a random discussion at the table.

Junmyeon smiled. He loved those boys, but that feeling always got stronger in moments like this, when they were all together. Everyone had different personalities – but at the same time, they were pretty similar. They cared about each other, and despite their busy schedules, everyone always made their best to be together in moments like this.

At that moment, Sehun drank another shot of suju, and turned to the girl at his side.

“I have the best friends, don’t I?”

The girl took the glass from his hand, smiling lightly.

“You do.” She said, in that soft voice. “But you better stop drinking for today.”

“Noona, today is my birthday. I have to celebrate!”

“You want to celebrate and don’t remember anything tomorrow?”

“Isn’t that the point?”

Joohyun shook her head, and by chance her eyes met Junmyeon’s – but the girl looked away quickly, turning her attention back to Sehun.

Junmyeon really thought he was getting used to the _pulling_ on his finger. When he wasn’t paying attention to it (and far away from _her_ ) he could ignore it. It wasn’t easy, but Junmyeon had to do it for the sake of his mental state.

When Joohyun was that close, though, things were different. It was like the pain got purposely stronger, intense. He had to work twice as hard to be able to do anything when she was around.

An hour later, the bar was closing. Their table was the only one still there, and the owner was looking at them with an ugly expression – so Junmyeon paid the check and started to send everybody home.

Most of them took cabs, but Sehun had come with his car, so they had to call a designated driver. That left him, Joohyun and Junmyeon alone, but the younger, who had drunk too much, rested his head against the table and fell asleep, which didn’t make the situation any better.

They weren’t looking at each other. Junmyeon tried his best to keep his gaze down, thinking about everything but her – but then he looked at the other side of the table, and saw Joohyun touching her little finger, even though it looked like she was doing it without realizing.

Junmyeon looked at her then, saw her anxious expression. Joohyun was biting her lower lip so hard, that he wondered if it would start bleeding. As if sensing his gaze, Joohyun looked up, and the two stared at each other.

Junmyeon wished he could explain that feeling in a logical way, because it would be so much easier to find a way of it, then. But there wasn’t an answer – and he was stuck with that strange feeling, his finger hurting so much that it seemed like it was going to fall apart.

“Do you feel it too?” Joohyun suddenly asked him, in an almost inaudible whisper. Junmyeon could see how scared she was.

He didn’t answer. Going against all his logical thoughts, he placed his hand on top of the table. It was only a few centimeters away from hers, and Junmyeon hesitated for a moment before moving it closer – and Joohyun did the same.

They looked at each other. It was nothing much, Junmyeon knew it, but it seemed extremely wrong, to do this when Sehun was sleeping next to them. Despite that, he simply couldn’t stop himself. Junmyeon reached out for her hand, holding it before intertwining their fingers together.

It was like the world had been finally put in the right place. Like they didn’t belong to anyone but each other. Like the string wasn’t being forcefully _pulled_ to the opposite direction - but just keeping them united.

Joohyun gasped softly, and again, Junmyeon noticed his finger wasn’t hurting anymore. He really didn’t want to believe in fate, but it was getting really hard to ignore it. Especially when it was right in front of him.

~~

They don’t see each other for a long time after the night at the restaurant.

Sehun has a busy schedule these days, filled with photoshoots and fashions shows, and Junmyeon is travelling back and forth to China, working on the opening of the company’s branch.

He’s used to the _pulling_ , now. It’s almost a part of him – and Junmyeon barely notices it when he’s not paying attention.

But then, one night when he’s out having dinner with Yixing to sign their contract, he sees Joohyun on the street.

She’s with a friend, waiting for the traffic light to change so they can cross the street. They’re talking, _laughing_ – and Junmyeon had never seen that expression on Joohyun’s face, so bright that she could light up the whole place. That warms his heart and makes the _pulling_ on his finger get stronger.

It’s mid July, now. The summer breeze shakes Joohyun's hair, and Junmyeon sees the way the girl stops for a moment, touching her left hand. The smile disappears from her face and she looks around, _searching_ , but doesn’t turn to his direction.

 _It’s better like this_ , he thinks.

The traffic light changes, and her friend grabs Joohyun’s hand to cross the street – both of them disappearing in the crowd. The _pulling_ on Junmyeon’s finger doesn’t stop long after she’s gone.

~~

The fourth time they meet, the leaves on the trees are falling, and the weather is starting to get cold in Seoul.

Junmyeon had just left his parents house, after their monthly _family lunch_ – which could be summarized in his father pressuring him about company results and his mother trying to get him to go on blind dates. Some people cared more about prospects than fate, and it seemed like all his parents thought about was him marrying to a “nice family”. Junmyeon always wondered if they were the end of each other’s strings, but never asked.

While he was walking, enjoying the mid afternoon’s chilly breeze, Junmyeon felt the _pull_ on his little finger.

That startled him, because it had been a while. He stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, looking ahead - and saw Joohyun standing a few feet away.

People were walking between them, hurried with their routines, but they remained there for a long time, just looking at each other. It seemed like every time they were together, the string would get smaller, like it wanted to pull them in each other’s direction.

Breaking the moment, someone accidentally hits Joohyun’s shoulder, and she drops some of the bags she was holding. Junmyeon instantly moves to help, but then a tall figure shows up by the girl’s side, helping her get the bags, and he stops.

Sehun asks her something – _if she’s fine, Junmyeon can see_ – and Joohyun nods, slowly. Then he notices her scarf is falling, and readjusts it, covering the girl’s mouth, smiling fondly at her. He leans down, kissing her cheek, and Junmyeon can see the way Joohyun withdraws a little, embarrassed. She then says something to Sehun, who turns his face towards Junmyeon.

“Hyung!” He says, waving at him.

Junmyeon waves back, forcing himself to walk to the couple.

“Hey.” He says to Sehun, before hesitantly looking at Joohyun. “Hello.”

The girl only nods, the movement smooth, and Junmyeon can see the light shade of pink in her cheeks. He wonders if it is because of the cold or Sehun’s kiss.

“What are you doing here?” Sehun asks him. “Were you in your parent’s house?”

Junmyeon nods.

“Yeah. Monthly lunch, you know.”

“Oh, right. Did your mother have her blind dates list ready?” Sehun raises a brown, and Junmyeon makes a face.

“You know how she is.”

The younger laughs.

“Hyung, you should try going to some of them. Who knows, maybe one of the girls is the other end of your string?” He jokes.

Junmyeon can’t help being tense. Joohyun keeps her head down, looking at her hands held together – but Sehun’s oblivious and doesn’t notice it, which is the only positive point in that situation. So Junmyeon laughs lightly and shakes his head.

“And you? What are you doing here?” he asks, changing the topic.

“Ah, we went grocery shopping. Noona says she’ll make me shrimp pasta, even though she’s not that great of a cook…” Joohyun looks at him, and Sehun laughs, putting an arm around her shoulder. “I’m kidding. Hyung, do you want to come? It’s been a while since we got together.”

Junmyeon glances at Joohyun – and she looks back for the quickest of seconds – but he shakes his head.

“I can’t. My schedule’s full with meetings today, I have to go back.”

Sehun sighs.

“Alright, alright. But don’t forget we’ll play billiards at Kyungsoo hyung’s house this Friday.”

Junmyeon nods.

“I know, I’ll be there.” He says, when his phone starts ringing. For once, he’s actually grateful for a company call. “Work’s calling. I have to go.”

“Just go, hyung. See you on Friday.”

Junmyeon waves goodbye and tries his best not to look at Joohyun before turning and leaving – forcefully _pulling_ his string.

~~

The fifth time they meet, Junmyeon drinks too much.

It’s Chanyeol’s birthday, and they’re all in this fancy club that one of his studio clients own – which was his birthday gift. They’re in the VIP floor, with a nice view to the crowded dance floor.

That day hadn’t been good to Junmyeon. Work was stressful, he had an argument with Yixing about China’s branch, and now since Sehun and Joohyun had arrived, Junmyeon was feeling that damn _pull_ on his finger. It was all too much.

So he drank.

Glass after glass, shot after shot. Minseok tried to stop him, but Junmyeon ignored the older and just kept drinking. Chanyeol was excited, and Sehun kept giving him more, everybody celebrating every time he drank another shot – mostly because Junmyeon never did this.

He definitely wasn’t like this.

At some point in the night, their table ran out of drinks. Chanyeol and Jongdae went to get more, while the rest of them waited there or went to the dance floor. Sehun and Joohyun were on the couch in front of Junmyeon, with she sitting in the boy’s lap, who was talking to someone else – but her eyes were on Junmyeon.

Her hair seemed darker in the dim light of the club. Her fair skin contrasted with the black fabric of her dress, and her lips were a dark shade of red, that would entice Junmyeon everytime she said something to Sehun in that soft tone, meant only for him to listen. Her eyes – that were looking _at Junmyeon_ – seemed deeper, this night. Joohyun was almost frowning, a worried expression on her face. It was too much for Junmyeon.

He closed his eyes, rubbing his face. The music was loud, the place was hot, and his mind was spinning because of the alcohol and because everything he could think about was _her, her, her_ – and his damn finger was hurting so much he just wanted to rip it off…

Junmyeon stood up, staggering to the side. He needed to get out of there.

He went down the stairs, not really knowing where to go. After wandering around for a while, he ended up in the bathroom hall, which was empty except for a couple kissing at the entrance. Junmyeon got in, leaning against the wall and closing his eyes, taking a deep breath.

He didn’t know how long he stayed like that, but when Junmyeon opened his eyes, the couple wasn’t in there anymore. He thought about going in the bathroom, throw some water on his face and try to compose himself enough to make an excuse for Chanyeol and go home. There was no way he could stay in this club anymore tonight.

But then he looked to the side, and really wished he was drunk enough to see things.

Joohyun was walking to him, that same worried expression on her face. Junmyeon closed his eyes again, because, well, that could only be a joke.

“Junmyeon.”

It was the first time she said his name like this. At least, the first time he heard it – and it made Junmyeon feel all kinds of things. Things he had been repressing since the first time they saw each other. Things he definitely shouldn't feel for his friend's girlfriend.

“Go away.” He said, trying to keep calm.

“Are you ok?” She ignored him, asking. “You… You don’t seem fine. Ever since we got here…”

Junmyeon looked at her.

“Go away now.” He said again, and even to him, his voice sounded messed up.

Joohyun frowned.

“You’re too drunk.”

He knows this, and that’s exactly why Junmyeon can’t be here, with her. He tries to take a step and walk away, but suddenly the room spins, and he staggers to the side – not falling only because Joohyun tries to hold him. But he’s heavy, and she squeaks when both of them falls to the side, hitting the wall.

Junmyeon doesn’t make an effort to stay up, instead letting himself slide down to the floor – pulling Joohyun with him. His mind is hazy. The club’s music seems distant.

“Junmyeon” Joohyun says again, and he turns his face slowly, looking at her.

Her eyes are red, filled with tears. When she blinks, a tear runs down her cheek, and Junmyeon feels even worse, seeing her like this. It’s their damn connection, he knows. Junmyeon extends his hand, lightly touching her cheek.

“Why… Why now…” He murmurs, saying his thoughts out loud for once. “Why with him?”

Joohyun closes her eyes and sobs, something that Junmyeon feels deep inside.

“I don’t know.” She shakes her head. “I don’t know…”

In the state he is, Junmyeon probably notices her movement faster than it actually was – but she closes the distance between them, hugging his waist and pressing her face against his chest, crying.

Junmyeon lets his hands fall to the floor and leans his head against the wall, closing his eyes. As he listens to her sobs, he can’t help but let his own tears fall down his cheeks.

~~

“What’s wrong with you? You look awful.”

Junmyeon looks at Jongdae as he takes off his coat. He doesn't need to be told that - he knows.

He’s been miserable, these days. He can’t sleep properly, he’s not eating well and all he does is work, 24 hours a day. It’s the only way to keep his mind busy, and Junmyeon definitely needs that.

When he focuses enough on something, Junmyeon barely feels the _pull_ on his finger.

“Thank you. I really needed that information, Jongdae.” He says, and walks to the living room, where the others are.

Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Jongin are playing some videogame, and Minseok and Kyungsoo are on the kitchen. Junmyeon looks around, searching, but doesn’t see Sehun.

“He’s not here yet.” Jongdae tells him. “He said he’ll be late.”

Junmyeon nods. Jongdae goes to help Minseok set the table, and he stays with the boys in the living room, trying to get distracted by the game they’re playing. Baekhyun keeps trying to cheat by pinching Chanyeol's waist - _who pretends not to like it_ \- and Jongin just laughs at everything.

Sehun doesn't arrive until shortly after dinner is already set on the table, shaking the snow off his hair.

“It started to snow?” Chanyeol asks, surprised.

Sehun nods, taking off his scarf.

“Yeah, when I was almost here.”

“Was there a lot of traffic?” Junmyeon asks him. “You could’ve called me, I would’ve given you a ride.”

Sehun looks at him for a moment, and then shakes his head.

“That’s ok, I had something to do.”

Junmyeon wants to ask _what_ , but doesn’t.

With everyone there, they finally sit down to eat dinner. Kyungsoo had made three dishes – probably by himself – but he says Minseok helped him. Sehun complains about the lack of alcohol, and Jongdae brings a wine bottle that has been in the fridge probably for too long, but no one really cares.

It’s almost like their meetings in college, and Junmyeon actually feels at peace for a while, laughing and talking with his friends. They don’t do this often these days, everybody too busy with their own life, but every time they meet like this it seems like nothing’s changed.

They had finished dinner and were still drinking the wine when Jongin turns to Sehun to ask.

“What about Joohyun noona? I thought you were going to bring her.”

Instinctively, Junmyeon closes his left hand. He glances at Sehun, who is looking at his almost empty glass of wine. It takes a while for him to answer.

“We broke up.”

Junmyeon stops, really looking at the boy now.

_What?_

“Broke up?” Baekhyun says, probably echoing everybody’s mind. “Who breaks up a week before Christmas?”

Sehun raises the corner of his lips, drinking the rest of the wine.

“I guess we do.”

Minseok glances at Junmyeon, but the man doesn’t look back. There’s too much in his mind right now. He can barely think straight.

“You two seemed fine.” Kyungsoo says, a bit lost.

Sehun puts the glass on the table.

“Some things are not meant to be. It’s alright, you guys.”

“It’s not like you only had one girlfriend.” Chanyeol comments. “But Joohyun noona was the one who lasted the longest, so we can be surprised, right?”

“Why did you break up, anyways?” Baekhyun asks, and Minseok gets up from his chair.

“You’re too nosy, Baekhyun. Leave Sehun alone and come help me clean the table.” He says, grabbing the younger.

Baekhyun complains, but ends up helping him. Nobody insists on the topic, and another conversation starts – but Junmyeon can only look at Sehun. He’s very curious about _why_ , too, but he doesn’t dare to ask.

The boy doesn’t seem too sad or too angry, but Junmyeon knows Sehun long enough to see that there’s something else in that neutral expression. And that’s exactly why he’s anxious the rest of the night.

It’s past midnight when they finally leave Jongdae’s apartment. Baekhyun and Chanyeol give a ride to Minseok, while Kyungsoo and Jongin share a cab, which leaves Sehun and Junmyeon alone in front of the building.

“My car’s over there.” Junmyeon says. “Do you want a ride?”

Sehun looks at him, before nodding.

“Yeah.” He says, then pauses. Junmyeon wonders what’s in the boy’s mind. “But before that... Let’s have a drink.”

Junmyeon has no reason to deny that. It’s been a while since him and Sehun did something only both of them, and given the situation… Well, he missed it, even though he didn’t know what to expect.

They walked in silence to a bar near Jongdae's building, watching the snow fall softly, leaving the sidewalks in shades of white. All the stores and houses are decorated for Christmas now, and the image is beautiful - but Junmyeon obviously can't concentrate.

When they arrive at the bar, they sit in a table next to the window, and Sehun orders only two bottles of soju. Usually, Junmyeon doesn’t like to drink without something to eat, but right now, he doesn’t care. He keeps wondering if he should say something, but he’s not sure if he should ask Sehun if he’s ok, or just start a random conversation. They’ve never been awkward with each other, and Junmyeon really doesn’t want it to be like this.

When the soju arrives, the younger serves the drink.

“Hyung.” Sehun says, before Junmyeon can say anything, and he’s actually grateful for it.

“Hm.”

“Have you ever loved someone?”

Junmyeon’s taken aback by the sudden question. The answer is clear in his mind – flashes of golden hair and brown eyes. But how could he answer it in this situation?

“I…”

“You know, I’ve never really thought about it.” The younger continues, like he knows Junmyeon can’t say anything. “I think I just used to live in the moment, with whoever I was. Love is such a strong word.”

Sehun drinks the shot, and Junmyeon frowns. Through the bar window, he can see that the snow has now increased, falling thickly on the street, leaving the night colder.

Junmyeon also never thought too much about love. He knew it was something that could be built between two people, but it never crossed his mind that love could just... Happen.

Joohyun's face was all that came into his mind, now. Her soft smiles, and the only time he saw her laugh, in China. The way she frowned when she was worried, and the tears that streaked down her face when she cried in the bathroom floor.

He loved her. But it was so much more than what they could see in the outside. It was a soul connection.

“She told me, hyung.” Sehun says suddenly, and Junmyeon stops.

The younger drinks another shot, while Junmyeon’s glass remains untouched at the table.

The two don't say anything for a few moments, because Junmyeon still can't assimilate what he said.

“How long did you intend to keep going like this?” Sehun asks, and Junmyeon looks at him.

Sehun was the youngest of them, and was often mistaken for immature by those who saw it from the outside. Junmyeon knew better. He had seen Sehun grow up, had given him advice and helped him when he needed. But many times, the opposite happened.

It wasn’t new to anyone how close they were, and how Junmyeon doted the boy. Sehun was kind hearted, and he was so much more than a pretty face that appeared in magazines and fashion shows. Maybe that was one of the reasons Junmyeon felt the need to protect him, too.

The simple thought of him being the one to hurt Sehun was almost unbearable.

“Hyung.” Sehun says, and asks him again. “What did you think I was going to do?”

Junmyeon breathes, and somewhere in the bar someone raises a toast.

“This is not about what you were going to do or not.”

“Then what is it?”

The older frowns, because this is hard. Junmyeon never thought the moment of confrontation would come.

“I-” He stops for a second. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”

Sehun shakes his head and looks away. He’s frowning, too.

“You’re always like this.” He says. “You’re always putting everyone before yourself.”

When Sehun looks at him again, he seems almost angry. Junmyeon had heard that countless times before, but he was never able to deny it, because deep down, he knows it’s true. And maybe he would feel self-conscious about it, if he wasn’t having that conversation with Sehun.

“And what did you want me to do?” He says back. “What did you want me to do when she was _your girlfriend?_ ”

“Talk to me! Dammit, hyung, you should’ve talked to me! It’s been almost a year!” Sehun runs a hand through his hair. “Do you know how surprised I was when I heard my best friend was the end of my girlfriend’s string?”

Some people look at them, trying to not be obvious about it, and Junmyeon says nothing. He knows that anything he says right now will be an excuse, and Sehun can see right through him. They keep quiet, and a group of loud people enter the bar.

“I would never blame you.” Sehun finally says. “You didn't choose that. She didn't choose it either.”

Junmyeon looks away, to his glass of soju. He drinks it at once, and feels the burn in his throat.

“This doesn’t change the situation.” He says after a while.

“Yes, it does.” Sehun is serious, and Junmyeon has never seen him like this before. “And you know that, hyung.”

Junmyeon was used to denying things. He repeated it to himself so many times, that he almost believed it was true. And maybe he could keep lying to himself longer, if this was just about him - but with Sehun confronting him like that, Junmyeon didn’t have a way to run.

The feelings were raw inside of him, because he repressed them so much, that Junmyeon got used to the pain. But if he paid attention, it was there, alive – just like the _pulling_ in his little finger. It would never go away.

Junmyeon takes the bottle of soju, putting another shot for himself.

“Sehun. What am I to you?”

“You’re my brother.” The boy says, without hesitation. “I'm probably closer to you than to my real brother.”

Junmyeon raises the glass to his lips, pausing for a moment before drinking the shot.

“You’re right. It’s the same for me.” He says, and looks at the boy. “So tell me… How could I do something like this, when you were that happy? When I’ve never seen you with anyone like you were with her?”

Sehun doesn’t say anything, and Junmyeon presses. "Are you going to tell me this isn't true?"

The younger doesn't answer it immediately.

“I like her.” He says, his eyes on the glass of soju. “I never said I don’t. But I would never selfishly stay with someone like this. She was honest with me when she told me about it. And I could see in her eyes how much she was suffering.” Sehun looks up at him. “It made me wonder, hyung. How much were you suffering too?”

Junmyeon feels like he's been punched. A direct blow, one that you can't get up even with help. Sehun takes a sip of the drink and raises the corner of his lips, but there is no humor in his smile.

“It made me feel like a fool, actually, not noticing it before. I knew our relationship wasn’t that deep, maybe because we weren’t the end of each other’s strings.” Sehun fills another glass. “She told me about this last week. I was mad at you, at the time.” He admits. “But not for the reasons you think. I was angry because I felt like a fool, and I was hurt that you weren’t honest with me. I thought about talking to you that same day, but as I kept thinking and thinking, all the things that involved this situation became clearer in my mind. It really made me wonder, how strong was our connection, that you were willing to suffer like this because of me?” He pauses for a moment. “The thing is, hyung. You weren’t suffering alone. She was, too.”

As if punishing him, Junmyeon's little finger hurts so much that he feels lightheaded. He squeezes his thigh, buries his fingers in the thick fabric of his pants until his knuckles are white.

The memory of Joohyun crying floods his memory once again, and the thought that every time he was in pain, she was also feeling it becomes more real. In every moment of his days, Junmyeon thought about how much he wanted to cut that string – but right now, he never wished it more.

Sehun slides an envelope on the table, catching Junmyeon's attention.

“She moved out. She got a new job and left. I went to talk to her today, but I didn’t find her. I don’t know where she went, and Seulgi wouldn’t tell me. But she left me this letter. You should read it.” Junmyeon looks from the envelope to Sehun. “I wish you would think more about yourself, hyung.”

Junmyeon doesn’t say anything, and the boy drinks the rest of the soju before getting up and leaving.

He doesn’t move immediately. Junmyeon keeps looking at the envelope on the table, as if the most difficult task he has ever had in his entire life was to pick it up and open it. The sound of the conversations in the bar is muffled to him, distant. It’s almost like he’s alone.

Junmyeon takes the letter and opens it.

_“Sehun._

_You were one of the greatest happiness of my life. In a job so full of pretentious and greedy people, in places where looks were all that mattered, you showed me that real and honest people still existed. When I didn't remember what it was like to smile honestly, you made me laugh like there was no tomorrow. You lighted up my life._

_I’ll never forget how you took care of me, even though I’m older. This was probably one of the reasons why I thought I was lacking with you, too. I wanted to be so much more for you, Sehun. I wanted to be everything you needed, but when I realized I couldn't, no matter how hard I tried, I knew I would only be holding you back._

_I know none of us wanted things to happen like this. And maybe I should’ve walked away from you the moment you introduced me to him, but I was selfish. I didn’t want to give you up just yet - because you made me remember what was like to be alive again, and I didn’t know how much I missed feeling this way. I thought I could’ve handled those feelings. But I couldn’t, Sehun. They’re like a spark that consumes your body slowly until you’re completely on fire. And that flame never stops burning. I tried. And I’m sure Junmyeon is trying too. That’s why I ask you, don’t get away from him. He loves you very much, Sehun. I can see. No, I can feel it. I know that._

_It hurts me even more to be between two brothers like this. I could never, ever do this. I'm leaving, because I care too much about you and Junmyeon. I can't stand the thought of hurting you both._

_Sehun, thank you for everything. I know you’ll be fine, and I know I'm being selfish for asking this, but please, don't forget me. And Junmyeon… I wish he would. I wish he would forget me._

_I’m sorry for leaving so abruptly. I’ll always think of you._

_Love, Joohyun.”_

~~

The sixth time they meet, cherry blossom petals are slowly falling to the ground.

Junmyeon always came to Japan on business, and every single time he was always so busy, that he never stopped to see the cherry blossoms bloom. So this time, when his car is passing through Ueno Park, he asks his driver to stop and gets out.

It's late March, and the weather in Tokyo is definitely warmer, but Junmyeon still needs to close his jacket due to the cold breeze. There are many people around, couples watching the flowers and families with children running through the fallen petals. The smell is good, fresh, and Junmyeon closes his eyes for a moment as he walks.

He almost thinks his mind is messing with him when he feels the _pull_ on his finger.

Junmyeon stops. He was used to the sensation, the warm press that was constant - light enough not to bother him, but always there, like a memory. But the _pull_ , the pain, no. This was another kind of memory. The kind he usually felt late at night, lying on his bed, eyes closed and golden locks and warm brown eyes in his mind.

His heart races and he searches, in the middle of that crowd of people - because _no_ , this pain is too real to be just a memory. It’s _pulling_ hard, as if the other end is close enough for him to feel.

A cherry blossom petal falls in front of his blazer, and Junmyeon looks down to pick it up. When he looks ahead again, he sees.

_He sees her._

Joohyun is standing a few feet away from him, wearing a flowery dress with a cardigan that is definitely too thin for that weather. Her hair is shorter, Junmyeon notices. But it’s the same golden tone that is etched in his memory, and she looks the same. Even after two years, she looks the same.

He feels the _pull_ vividly this time, and his feet move without Junmyeon noticing. It's like he's being pulled, really. Joohyun moves, too, and they meet halfway.

People are walking between them, and a cold wind shakes Joohyun’s dress. There are some flower petals on top of her head, and her cheeks are flushed. She’s beautiful.

They don’t say anything, just look at each other. Junmyeon had dreamed with her every day, in those two years. Sometimes she would be smiling at him, sometimes she would be crying. Sometimes she would be saying something that he couldn't understand, and Junmyeon tried to touch her, but never really did. She was always out of reach.

But this wasn’t a dream. She was there.

So Junmyeon smiles.

And Joohyun, with tears streaming down her cheek, smiles back.

“Hello.” He says, extending his hand.

She looks at him, before holding it.

"Hello.”

And for the first time in a long time, Junmyeon doesn’t feel anything. And it's nothing but right.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on [tumblr](https://junmyeoneyesmile.tumblr.com/) :)


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